Nearly every day i think of something to write about. I’ll even develop some fantastic (to me) titles for said writings and go to great lengths to amuse myself. Unfortunately, those thoughts and ideas don’t always make it to the (digital) printed page.
I had been planning for weeks for the anniversary. Had some ideas on what to write but overall, was excited about the milestone. Overall, it grew out of my launch into mid-life crisis. It stemmed from loss, going from lost dreams into the thick of reality.
Maybe I should have quit. As I briefly look back to what I wrote those 10 years ago, I find myself in the same place. I had poured my life into several things, some of which achieved “success”… all of which ended in failure. And since then, it seems the same thing. I look to pour my life into something but ultimately it goes nowhere.
Just over 10 years ago I wrote:
My calling has never seemed so far away, so il or undefined.
And here we are, 10 years later and I am still saying the same thing. Will this ever end?
On a more positive note…
Geez. I really didn’t intend on this being such a downer…
There are those who dream and those who do. I’ve always enjoyed writing. I can remember the long “updates” i wrote for the band back in the day on my trusty electronic typewriter with a 2 line screen! I recently ran across some ribbon for that old thing. I wish I would have kept every note I wrote. Ahh, the memories…
And I’ve journaled on and off through the years. I have several spiral notebooks filled with words. I find them once in a while as well.
But here we are, 10 years of this blog. A decade! Rather than thinking of writing, I sat down and just started TO write. My intentions are to write every day. But, of course, that doesn’t happen. Even every week would be great. But, I’ve written as I’ve written. The 4 years in Wichita were the “desert with the decade long desert”. Lots to say. Just not sure how (or if) to say it. So, I didn’t.
So, why do I write anyway? My secret hope is that what I write is secretly read by thousands of people without my knowledge. The reality is that few, if any, people really read this. So, I write to document. A couple of my kids have come across my blog and seem surprised that I write. And yet, they are still too young to “get it”. This is for them. The cool exciting parts. And the ever so boring drone of the first part of this entry. it’s for them.
It’s also for me. it allows me to vent. The “public” forum causes me to self-censor, which can be good. I have other avenues where censoring isn’t allowed.
So, here’s to 10 years. I missed the actual date. I looked forward to it and then it just slipped by. Perhaps the anti-climactic nature of being 16 days late suits this forum well.
16 days late and more than that of dollars short.
Thanks for listening.
