maybe I’m just a sucker for the retrospective. endings are hard.
Several years ago I was in a band. It was my life. I was “married” to the band. I knew for years that some day, ONE day, it would all end. But I didn’t really think about that much. I was married.
At some point, the drive inside me faded. It was a combination of several things. But it was clear my heart was no longer “in” it. Effectively, the band ended well before it actually ended. We limped along for a while. And finally, it was time to make the call.
One of the hard things for me was that I loved being involved in the music industry. I knew there was an “industry” out there and looking back, perhaps I should have followed that drive to the megamusicplex of Nashville. But, I didn’t. And I never did. The day the band died for me was also the day the music died. I played around a bit and even had some minor dreams of doing something, but, we moved away and I finally put it to rest.
A mere few months later, I was back, in full swing, bigger and better than ever leading me towards the most successful music involvement (so far) in my life. I truly had to give it away in order to get it back. But, I had to be willing to fully give it up.
Since then I have continued to dabble. Never seeming to fully “get out” of it.
Until now.
Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve come the realization that once again, it’s time to give that part of my life up. I have been thinking this direction for a while. However, I’ve been a little concerned that I wasn’t willing to fully give it up. Due to past “successes” when “giving up” something, I fear I would only be giving up in order to receive.
And I now think I’m past that.
This decision has come a little easier than I thought. Saying “no” to something has power, at least in my life. The flip side of that is that this is one thing (however I find to actually describe what it is I am actually great in that venue) that I am really good at. Not “jack-of-all-trades” good, but REALLY good.
And yet it’s time to hang that up.
Do I think it will come back around? I do. I feel there’s more left in me, provided that God provides.
But it’s time to get past that as what defines me. Time to take the Gold Record off the wall and move on. God has blessed me to be able to work with some amazing people with mad talent. He has put me in the right place-right time. And people have been moved. And I am truly grateful.
I am not really sure of what lies before me. I love helping people and exceeding their expectations. But more than that, I love being willing to go wherever God would have me go.
Even if it means an ending.
