My mom is not doing well. She was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma just over 5 years ago. Most patients live just over 5 years.
Last week, I was with her at her oncologist appointment. Mom is driven by the numbers. And the numbers weren’t so good. Since then, she has steadily declined. Seems like she’s at the point of giving up. She’s done her part. She fought pretty hard and perhaps, there’s still some fight left in her. If so, I don’t see it.
So, is she really giving up? Or is she letting go?
Giving up sounds so negative. Letting go seems so freeing.
I experienced the same thing today.
onetimeblind left. Once again, they leave and I’m left staring out the window wondering what’s next:
http://byronfunk.com/blog/?p=6
I could certainly go on a rant about how I feel like I just gave up. And maybe there’s some truth in that. However, they are much too honorable to leave me with that. We met this morning to figure out some of the “breaking up” stuff and they were/are nothing sort of remarkable. I wanted to just say an apology and try to figure out how to hold on.
But, I felt/feel like letting go is most appropriate.
I prayed earlier today about what to do. I wanted to dig a hole and crawl in it and just hope it all just went away. I was reminded of previous times when I didn’t know what to do, especially in letting go vs. forcing my hand. Though some things are similar, God reassured me that the people make all the difference, and these people are far above most. Though still apprehensive, it was time.
As we talked about settling up and as they drove away, it was letting go. Certainly not giving up. I feel I still have a place in ministry, in their ministry, in some way. But at this particular place in time, it’s my job, my “calling” to let go.
That said, I’m no closer to knowing what’s next that I was at this time 4 years ago. I get to choose to live for Him today. Wondering/worrying about tomorrow is pointless.
I am to serve God in this day.
I pray mom does the same.
