Work is… not really sure. This morning went well. Helping people, really feeling like I was contributing something. The afternoon was slow, like typical. Praying that the phone would ring so I could be actively actually doing something. I left work after telling the boss that the document he wanted had been saved to the server. A few minutes later, a call from him. Where are those changes we had talked about yesterday. I had totally spaced out. I have many excuses, number one is which I am finding motivation hard. And I really shouldn’t. Last week Claire broke her arm. Good thing for a “good” job and insurance. The struggle is harder every day. And I pray every day, every minute more like! And God totaly comforts me, even in the major faux pax of not doing what my bass had instructed (which forced him to make the changes to the document…OUCH!). I’m waiting for “the talk” where they ask me what I would do with me and where I tell them I would fire my own ass. Which is hard. I’ve really tried much harder the end of last week and all this week. Worked up motivation and looked for things to occupy my time that are hopefully contributing to the good of the company. And I pray. For a sign. For the proverbial knock on the door. And God continually, like all the time, He comforts me. Reassures me that I am where He wants me. And I still question. Why here? Why now? Why in this way? Does He want me to lose my job? Is this His plan? Does He want my Spirit to be broken? It’s 7 months today since I started. My heart aches. And my God comforts. Thanks be to God.
