So, tomorrow is my big meeting. With the boss and the president of the company. Should be interesting. I asked for a meeting to discuss my new position with them. I don’t think they realize that this could be a meeting where I end up resigning. One of those “not sure if I’m getting promoted or the pink slip” sorts of things. Except reversed! Dean emailed me today about changing her job, working part-time rather than full-time. My response? Work full-time at a place where she can make more money so we can get out of debt and put ourselves in good position. So, why then am I considering anything other than the same for myself? Unfortunately, I see myself as (potentially) being able to make an impact at ID. There’s a lot of chaos that needs to be made into beauty. I guess I see myself as the “rock star” again, coming in to save the day and getting a gold record on my wall. But, in my own defense against myself, I LIKE the beauty from chaos thing. Yes, I like the “glamour”, being the “knight in shining armor”. Doesn’t everyone? Is that what drives me? I don’t think so. What drives me is the sheer job of taking that lump of clay and turning it into something. That’s what I see at ID. Unfortunately, what I also see is a system that seems to squelch people like me as it’s designed for mediocrity. A system that doesn’t allow for rogue people like me. So, perhaps it’s destined for nothing more than it is. And just because I don’t see the chaos at BGI, doesn’t mean it’s not there. It’s everywhere! And overall, that’s an environment that not only applauds excellence, it’s built on excellence. So, do I take my own advice to Dean? I think we know what that answer will be. And unless ID offers me much more than I think they will, it will be a clear decision. I guess, like everyone, I’m afraid of being wrong. God, give me that confidence You’ve been building back in me for several weeks. Proverbs 16 applies here. Help me hold on to that Truth.
