This evening, I head into a meeting that could largely determine my future. Am I scared? Sure. In a “be careful for what you wish for” sort of way. Dean was quick to remind me that back in the JK days, things just fell into place. I really didn’t have time to over-think. We just “went for it.” Now that I’m older, yes, so much older, I feel I have to figure things out more before plunging in. And I do, to a large extent. 4 kids. A mortgage. Debt. Family. Church. Things are way different now. But, that doesn’t mean God is any different. And once again, out of nowhere, He throws down an opportunity. Or two!
I struggle with 2 things about myself. Expectations and belief structure.
I have been in some great situations where people have expected me to meet a certain standard and I have had no trouble in not only meeting that challenge, but actually exceeding it. But those were situations where I knew going in that I could bring something to the game. It was actually fun to “be the man”. However, there are also situations, like perhaps what I’m not getting into, where people are expecting a certain level of… whatever and I am not so confident that I can deliver. Can I do my best? Certainly! Can I exceed their expectations? In/of many things, yes. See what I do as polishing a gem. Is the polishing valuable? Well, it makes the gem visable and helps it show off its true beauty. So, yes, it is. However, it’s the gem that is truly valuable. Can anyone do the polishing? That’s the question to answer. However, I believe that the “polisher” has to believe that the gem is valuable. Not everyone can see the gem behind the rough edges.
Which brings me to… a belief structure. I have perhaps had an issue for years about my belief structure in relation to career. If I am to invest my life into others, I must believe in them, otherwise, I should just get a computer job somewherre. Hence, my current employment. So, would I rather “do” what I enjoy even if I don’t “believe” in whom I’m working with/for? I’ve been asking that question of myself for a while now. I know the answer lies partly, or perhaps completely, in the belief structure of myself. Do I believe in myself? Sigh. I guess it’s easier for me to believe in what the people I’m working with can do rather than in my ability to turn a rough stone into a gem, even I know that the stone will never be very valuable. I have a hard time “scamming” someone into false hopes of themselves just because I put on the face of “belief” when it’s really only myself I believe in. So, perhaps it’s the combination of those two, the belief in myself and the belief in others. So far, I haven’t been able to turn either of those into something “successful”.
Perhaps I’m being given a second chance. The question is whether I will rise to the occasion and give more than lip service to my commitment. How will I respond if money is no object and I’m being given the chance to succeed? Lord, may I be faithful to You and to those around me. Here we go…
