I had these great ideas this morning and now… Overall, I was going to discuss or write about what I have identified as my biggest addiction. Living in regret. Not sure if there’s a better or nicer way to put that. I think, overall, it has left me in a stage of depression. Clinical? Perhaps. Why is it that only if it’s been diagnosed that it’s real? But I digress.
For the most part, everything is going well. What’s to say when someone believes in you and is willing to invest in your dreams? I’ve done that for others, encouraged and even hard core invested in their lives. But, when someone does that for me, I’m not sure how to react. So, that’s been tough to reconcile in my own life. I have this great opportunity, yet, I live in regret of things I should’ve done in my past. Or in the way I have handled things. Or even in that I had these great thoughts earlier and now I can’t even think of the title I was going to use for “morning” blog (it’s now 4;45pm).
So, I dwell on that, beat myself up, and overall have a hard time getting past those things. You win some, you lose most. Why do I dwell on the losses, those things that I have no control over. Because it’s gone! I can’t re-live yesterday. I can’t even re-live 2 seconds ago. I can only make choices that affect my future. Every moment I live is an opportunity to change my future. I’ve blogged in here before about wishing to have a hard drive connected to my brain so I could catalog every conversation, every moment into a searchable database for review later. Why? Is that not living in the past? Why do I need to do that? I hated history in high school/college. Then, it was only the future for me. I made choices and had this purpose, apparently, to live in a way that was pressing on toward the future. I’m becoming an old man before my eyes where I have to re-live events of my past! Heavy, heavy sigh. I have got to get over those things that I cannot change. I have got to press on. Can I use the past to help shape my future? Sure! However, like giving an alcoholic a sip of wine years after he’s sober, that taste to go back to dwelling on the past is strong. I need Strength more than ever.
