I took a break.
A much needed break? Not really. I just took a break. As it turns out, I don’t believe the break wasn’t necessary. In fact, it was probably detrimental.
I went back and read some of my posts nearly 2 years ago. Well, I read some of them, but, I actually had this feeling, This feeling in my gut that I was in that rut. That rut of writing the same thing over and over. “Woe is me. My life sucks because I haven’t figured out my life yet.” The lament of things not accomplished. The lament of opportunities passed. The lament that others seemingly have/had it figured out while I’m on the sidelines… perhaps not even THAT close to the action.
So, I bottled up my lament and decided to just keep things to myself.
No writing. Not open, closed, personal, private or public writing in any way. Perhaps if I DON”T keep writing the same things over and over again… perhaps THEN I’ll figure it out!
Unfortunately, as I’ve even expressed in this online journal of my not-so-random thoughts, writing actually helps me to process. That and talking. However, it’s even hard to talk about this stuff anymore. It’s like my brother-in-law coming by and always telling us he believed the Chiefs would win the Super Bowl. How much of that do I really want to listen to? It’s not that no one will listen, but, at some point, we all look at each other and realize that unless by some miracle or better, the Groundhog Day just keeps happening.
So, once again, I stopped writing.
I thought it would help me maintain my sanity, but, I think it’s made me less intelligent. So, today I decided to pick up the keyboard again and write. And even as I write, my mind is a flurry of activity that I haven’t experienced in a long time. Perhaps those endorphins will spur me on to keep writing.
And perhaps lead to something. At least a more intelligent me.
