I peer out the window during a small worship gathering this morning. A collision of “times” hits me. outside one window is the graveyard in which my grandparents are buried. Much of my physique (as amazing as it is!) and my personality/humor/sarcasm has been handed down to me from this side of my family. My parents – very conservative, generally very quiet and passive. My mom was a “Reddig”… oops. Gave away a security question. Her father, William, was a character, though, still generally pretty quiet and passive. Her grandfather, Jacob or “Jake” WAS quite the character, from what I understand. He is whom I am from. He is buried outside the window.
My heritage.
Outside the other window is the dorm where I lived for 4 years. This place made a huge impact on my life. Though I grew up in a Christian home, i discovered my faith here. Nothing really specific spurred that on. Just being on my own, having to figure out who I am. A nightly run followed by a chat with God. It all combined to shape my faith. I learned to be a leader here. I was exposed to a world outside my own. I developed lifelong friendships here. I suffered disappointments here. Though it’s long over, the draw of community, of belonging still pulls me.
My past.
We are seated inside a small church relocated from somewhere. This place hosted a Jen Knapp gig many years ago. I wasn’t there, but, I can still hear the sounds of “that thumb song” that was never released nationally (as supposedly no one could figure out how to record it, except me on her indie release).
My (current) career highlight.
Next to me sits my first-born. We are here at a scholarship competition. In less than 10 months, she will be residing somewhere, going to college, Due to much of the above, I would be proud to see her attend Tabor.
My legacy.
And then, to top it all off, on the way here, I chatted with my long-time friend, Nathan, with whom I haven’t spoken to in several years. It was fantastic to catch up with him. He’s going thru a transition in his life. And I wish we could hit up Pizza Hut again… regularly. And there is one here.
My influence.
And all this hits at a time where I am (still) wondering what I will do when I grow up. I’ve struggled to find my way. There’s what I do and what I want to do and then there’s where I end up, and the two aren’t even remotely similar. And we sing a sing with these lyrics:
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior
My future.
