I feel like I’m constantly walking that fine line between being totally out of my element and exactly where God wants me right now. I remember the quote from the guy who just assumed a leadership role at the MB Seminary about how God often outs us in places just out of our comfort zone in order to force us to rely on Him. If that’s so, then I right where I need to be… Perhaps. I try to keep thinking about the “pasture” of my life right now. However, I keep looking forward to what I think I should be doing, I writhe in the mire of what I “should’ve” done and I look back to the seemingly simple joys of the small successes I have seen. And I wonder how I ended up here. In THIS pasture? I could liken myself to Moses (that’s certainly been done before!) in his days in Midian. Or to Joseph in the years he spent in lockdown. And I do have the hope that God certainly isn’t finished with me yet. In fact, I do feel a strong sense of some great thing God is doing in my life. And, perhaps, it IS to make the most of THIS pasture. Living the so-called “middle class Western society” life doesn’t really appeal to me. I like a bit more risk. However, we are deep in debt. And I have a wife and 4 kids staring down at me. We’re getting a puppy this weekend! How’s that for running it down the middle! I need to read. I need to write. To work thru my issues. And to become a stronger person. It’s hard to a large degree, having the “your pissing your life away” comments lingering in my memory and knowing that naysayers have no clue why I would do things this way. But that goes back to living my life as others best see fit. Not a good thing. God, work in me, show me the person YOU want me to be. Help me to make the best of this pasture and to be strong. I don’t know what You are doing. Give me the strength and wisdom to be willing to go where You lead. Amen.
