It’s always harder being the one being left… I read the OTB email blast and think of how I used to be involved with them. All that they talk about, I was a part of. I spearheaded many of their projects. They talk of how good their year has been and how 2007 will be great. Ultimately, I am very happy for them. And feel very priviledged to have worked closely with them for 2+ years. What an honor. But, here I am, sitting at my desk. Looking for life. My calling has never seemed so far away, so il or undefined. They took off in their bus that Aug. 12 day and went forward. I stayed at home and started digging the hole that now occupies my heart. The event seemed to help BETTER define their calling. Earlier in the day, Dean remarked, “Byron was born to do this”. Why then am I now hoping, praying to have a well paying/good benefits job that most likely leads to nowhere? Then I see my kids on the desktop of my screen. Ok, that’s why. I don’t know why they alone can’t fill that hole. I wouldn’t trade them for anything and am willing to do anything for them. Yet, I have this “need” for my life to have some meaning beyond that. Was I just wired that way or am I just feeling sorry for myself? I think I need some professional help. Maybe I should sign up for Dr. Phil.
